A few weeks back, my BF and I were waiting in line to purchase movie tickets. Just ahead of us were two friends--one a youngish 20-something, the other a more motherly type, perhaps in her 50s--friends, not related, it was somewhat easy to surmise.
During a break in my conversation with my BF, I overheard the youngish woman ahead of us tell the other woman that she had something she wanted to tell her (mind you, she was speaking softly but they were literally about a foot from us) and she mentioned she was pregnant. That it was very early, but that she wanted to share the news. The older woman said she was so excited for her. Then she asked her if she was going to find out the baby's gender--immediately following that up with, "They can do that at the 20 week ultrasound, right?" To which the newly pregnant woman replied, "No, they can do it earlier than that, like 5 or 6 weeks."
My head quietly exploded behind her.
It was then that I realized how nice it must be to get pregnant and experience pregnancy with absolutely no clue. No clue of what goes on on "the other side" known as infertility or sub-fertility. Imagine--not knowing your CD, your most recent FSH level, your E2 and other levels, not knowing when you can find out a baby's gender on u/s, not knowing exactly almost to the minute when you conceived, (and not having conceived in a doctor's office during IVF, IUI, or with Clomid or on a timed cycled with a CBEM). No clue about the realities of what can go wrong.
What a lovely place it must be to experience pregnancy with no preconceptions, no notion of what the good and bad possibilities are. With unicorns and rainbows and healthy full-term babies at the end. If only we were all so lucky.
September 28, 2010
August 19, 2010
The time, it has marched on
OMG y'all (okay, well, like all 3 of you still following here), today my first baby started kindergarten! What is that all about?! I mean, seriously, I feel like I just brought her home from the hospital yesterday and now...five years gone in a blink.
So...she loved it, was excited, and eager, and all those happy adjectives. It was awesome to see. She's a bit reticent to share all the details of her day but slowly they are coming out. I think it was probably a lot to take in in one day. I shed a tear, quietly behind my sunglasses, as we said goodbye but it was over quickly. Much like ripping a band-aid off.
I still get a pang for a third child from time-to-time but then I come to my senses, LOL The devil and angel in my brain duel but then my subconscious steps in with the rational POV. I guess it's hard to come to terms with the fact that your babies are growing up--or at least it's hard for me to realize my babies are growing up. I still picture them as smaller and younger than they really are, which is probably why I always seem to buy them shoes in a half-size to one size smaller than their actual feet :)
I'll get it right, maybe, one day....
So...she loved it, was excited, and eager, and all those happy adjectives. It was awesome to see. She's a bit reticent to share all the details of her day but slowly they are coming out. I think it was probably a lot to take in in one day. I shed a tear, quietly behind my sunglasses, as we said goodbye but it was over quickly. Much like ripping a band-aid off.
I still get a pang for a third child from time-to-time but then I come to my senses, LOL The devil and angel in my brain duel but then my subconscious steps in with the rational POV. I guess it's hard to come to terms with the fact that your babies are growing up--or at least it's hard for me to realize my babies are growing up. I still picture them as smaller and younger than they really are, which is probably why I always seem to buy them shoes in a half-size to one size smaller than their actual feet :)
I'll get it right, maybe, one day....
July 21, 2010
The countdown is on
Hello? Is this thing on?
Things have just been so darn boring and status quo around these parts that there hasn't been much to report.
Let's see...since last we saw our intrepid reporter...Juliana turned 5 a little over a month ago. I would say that along with it came lots of emotions, and crying, and whatnot, but it seems that those things have been around for, oh, say the last year or so. Apparently, my girl is 5 going on 15.
This morning she requested a refill of her chocolate milk. As I handed the sippy cup back to her (yes, we do sippy cups in the morning for our girls' chocolate milks and also for their bedtime waters so they don't spill it on either the nightstand or in their beds), she said to me, "Maybe it's time I stopped drinking out of sippy cups." Morning milk and bedtime water are the only times she drinks out of them but I think she's right. It's time to stop.
She starts kindergarten in less than 4 weeks. I've got all of her school supplies purchased and her uniform shirts (they wear polo shirts with the school logo on them and a bottom of their choosing) are off at the embroiderer to have the logos done. She learned to snorkel this weekend; she loves the water, drawing, coloring, painting, and singing (not all at once, mind you). She is excited to start both school and soccer next month. She loves her dogs, her little sister, helping out, and just life in general.
It's amazing to see this former toddler evolve into this loving, lovely little person. She's funny and smart and just generally incredible. She can also be an incredible handful--you know, a 'typical' girl.
How did I get so lucky, and twice at that?
Things have just been so darn boring and status quo around these parts that there hasn't been much to report.
Let's see...since last we saw our intrepid reporter...Juliana turned 5 a little over a month ago. I would say that along with it came lots of emotions, and crying, and whatnot, but it seems that those things have been around for, oh, say the last year or so. Apparently, my girl is 5 going on 15.
This morning she requested a refill of her chocolate milk. As I handed the sippy cup back to her (yes, we do sippy cups in the morning for our girls' chocolate milks and also for their bedtime waters so they don't spill it on either the nightstand or in their beds), she said to me, "Maybe it's time I stopped drinking out of sippy cups." Morning milk and bedtime water are the only times she drinks out of them but I think she's right. It's time to stop.
She starts kindergarten in less than 4 weeks. I've got all of her school supplies purchased and her uniform shirts (they wear polo shirts with the school logo on them and a bottom of their choosing) are off at the embroiderer to have the logos done. She learned to snorkel this weekend; she loves the water, drawing, coloring, painting, and singing (not all at once, mind you). She is excited to start both school and soccer next month. She loves her dogs, her little sister, helping out, and just life in general.
It's amazing to see this former toddler evolve into this loving, lovely little person. She's funny and smart and just generally incredible. She can also be an incredible handful--you know, a 'typical' girl.
How did I get so lucky, and twice at that?
April 29, 2010
Sands through the hourglass
Sorry for the radio silence. Funny how time flies without you even noticing it. Has it already been a month or so since I last posted? Eek.
To catch you up on what's been going down in the house of dee, we've had two bouts of croup blow through in the last month. J had it first and quickly recovered. Currently, it's D's turn. She came down with it two or three weeks after J did and has been pretty miserable these last few days. I suffered through yet another sinus infection, this one of the migraine-inducing variety. That makes two in the last four months for me. Lots of fun.
Outside of that, it seems like there are so many events and things coming up that, at times, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Suffice it to say that remembering to update the blog tends to fall by the wayside. Currently, D has swim lessons three days a week, D has ballet once a week, we've got Mother's Day plans to arrange, pre-K graduation/after-party to plan, J's first ballet recital, birthday party planning for J's fifth in June, our summer vacation in late-June...it just seems like it's always something. I find myself making lots of lists here and there--to do, groceries, and so forth. Kinda comes with the territory of motherhood I guess :)
In the midst of all that, however, I continue to make it a point to take care of myself physically. I've been going to the gym 6 days a week. I usually take Sundays off. I am doing both cardio and strength training. I'm not going to lie and say that I love it. I enjoy it (most days) as I can see changes in my stamina and my body but there are days when it takes all the motivation I've got just to get out the door and go. Wednesdays are my weigh-in days with my workout buddy (who lives about 90 miles from me) so we take a picture of our feet on the scale (to show that it's really us and not, say, our husbands standing there 'cause sadly both she and I weigh more than our husbands do) and send it via cell phone to the other person in order to have some accountability in all of this.
As of yesterday, I've lost 17.4 lbs. since the last week of February. I feel really good and proud of what I've managed to do to improve my health and appearance so far. When I lose 25 more lbs., I'll be where I started before I got pregnant with J, which would be awesome; if I can manage to lose 45 lbs. total (20 lbs. after the 25 more goal ) I'll be where I was at my healthiest and lightest in 2003. I've struggled with my weight most of my adult life, typically because of bad choices and sheer laziness. No more of that. That's not to say that I don't indulge my sweet tooth or get lazy or what have you every so often, 'cause I do. I just do it less frequently than I used to. Some days, I really miss being lazy ;)
Besides that, it's official: I am the parent of a kindergartener. I officially registered J this past Tuesday evening. School starts August 17th. To say she is excited about going would be an understatement. It is adorable to see. And me, being the anal, get-it-done-now mom that I am, have already started knocking items off of the kindergarten supply shopping list that was provided to me at orientation. And so it begins....
Now how's that forthe world's most boring post getting you caught up on what's been going on with me this last month?
To catch you up on what's been going down in the house of dee, we've had two bouts of croup blow through in the last month. J had it first and quickly recovered. Currently, it's D's turn. She came down with it two or three weeks after J did and has been pretty miserable these last few days. I suffered through yet another sinus infection, this one of the migraine-inducing variety. That makes two in the last four months for me. Lots of fun.
Outside of that, it seems like there are so many events and things coming up that, at times, I feel a bit overwhelmed. Suffice it to say that remembering to update the blog tends to fall by the wayside. Currently, D has swim lessons three days a week, D has ballet once a week, we've got Mother's Day plans to arrange, pre-K graduation/after-party to plan, J's first ballet recital, birthday party planning for J's fifth in June, our summer vacation in late-June...it just seems like it's always something. I find myself making lots of lists here and there--to do, groceries, and so forth. Kinda comes with the territory of motherhood I guess :)
In the midst of all that, however, I continue to make it a point to take care of myself physically. I've been going to the gym 6 days a week. I usually take Sundays off. I am doing both cardio and strength training. I'm not going to lie and say that I love it. I enjoy it (most days) as I can see changes in my stamina and my body but there are days when it takes all the motivation I've got just to get out the door and go. Wednesdays are my weigh-in days with my workout buddy (who lives about 90 miles from me) so we take a picture of our feet on the scale (to show that it's really us and not, say, our husbands standing there 'cause sadly both she and I weigh more than our husbands do) and send it via cell phone to the other person in order to have some accountability in all of this.
As of yesterday, I've lost 17.4 lbs. since the last week of February. I feel really good and proud of what I've managed to do to improve my health and appearance so far. When I lose 25 more lbs., I'll be where I started before I got pregnant with J, which would be awesome; if I can manage to lose 45 lbs. total (20 lbs. after the 25 more goal ) I'll be where I was at my healthiest and lightest in 2003. I've struggled with my weight most of my adult life, typically because of bad choices and sheer laziness. No more of that. That's not to say that I don't indulge my sweet tooth or get lazy or what have you every so often, 'cause I do. I just do it less frequently than I used to. Some days, I really miss being lazy ;)
Besides that, it's official: I am the parent of a kindergartener. I officially registered J this past Tuesday evening. School starts August 17th. To say she is excited about going would be an understatement. It is adorable to see. And me, being the anal, get-it-done-now mom that I am, have already started knocking items off of the kindergarten supply shopping list that was provided to me at orientation. And so it begins....
Now how's that for
March 25, 2010
Slow and steady
This whole 'gym thing' is going well. I'm down 11 pounds so far (as of tomorrow, it'll be 4 weeks since I joined the gym). I'm still enjoying it so that's good. In the past, I've been one to quickly grow bored. I think the big thing for me, in going to an organized gym, is feeling like part of a community. Sure, it's all women who are working out and don't really talk to one another too much, but we're all pretty much there for the same reason...and that's a nice thing to be a part of, at least for me it is.
In other more exciting news, Kindergarten Roundup is fast approaching--four weeks from now. This is the event at which parents sign their children up for the coming school year. Meaning, the countdown is officially on. Meaning, my OCD has kicked into high gear--must get backpack and lunch box and polo shirts with school name/crest embroidered ASAP. And must tell myself that "No, they do not need to be purchased ASAP." Breathe Dawn breathe. What can I say? I like to be prepared wayyyyy in advance ;)
Other than these exciting developments, life is pretty quiet around these parts. The weather is a'heating up and summer will be here before we know it. Sadly, folks (myself included) down here complain when it's cold and when the cold is prolonged (as it has been this winter)...must remind ourselves that we'll be begging for this cold weather come next month and all the months thereafter. Time is just blazing by at warp speed.
Sorry for such a boring post but I'm pretty boring in general. Must head out to the gym (go me!) and run some errands...ah, the glamorous life, I lead it.
In other more exciting news, Kindergarten Roundup is fast approaching--four weeks from now. This is the event at which parents sign their children up for the coming school year. Meaning, the countdown is officially on. Meaning, my OCD has kicked into high gear--must get backpack and lunch box and polo shirts with school name/crest embroidered ASAP. And must tell myself that "No, they do not need to be purchased ASAP." Breathe Dawn breathe. What can I say? I like to be prepared wayyyyy in advance ;)
Other than these exciting developments, life is pretty quiet around these parts. The weather is a'heating up and summer will be here before we know it. Sadly, folks (myself included) down here complain when it's cold and when the cold is prolonged (as it has been this winter)...must remind ourselves that we'll be begging for this cold weather come next month and all the months thereafter. Time is just blazing by at warp speed.
Sorry for such a boring post but I'm pretty boring in general. Must head out to the gym (go me!) and run some errands...ah, the glamorous life, I lead it.
March 3, 2010
Losing it
So, if you've been around these parts before, you'll possibly remember me saying something about getting healthier, blah blah blah, and that was the gist of it at the time.
Well, cue to this past Friday morning when I briefly honked my horn at the person in front of me who was holding up me and two other cars behind me at a McD's drive-thru (and let the record show that I stopped in for a medium Diet C0ke as I was parched). The parking lot was being paved and so half of it was roped off--thereby giving cars coming out of the drive-thru lane only that drive-thru space to exit the lot. The woman in front of me had pulled up about 8 feet to go through her bag and, I assume, check her order. So I tapped on my horn lightly as I had no way to go around her, nor did the people behind me. (I mean, hello, if you're going to take a while, maybe pull into one of the empty spaces in front of you while you go over your order; I'm just sayin.')
She moved forward then stopped at a stop sign just up ahead, giving me room on the right for me to pull alongside her and prepare to make a right turn (she was going left)...but not before rolling down her window and calling me a 'fat little bitch.' Oh yes, she did.
Now, okay, I realize I am not (nor have I ever been) a skinny minny. And I also realize that the words "fat" and "little" kinda cancel one another out. Not only that, but she can't tell how tall I am from me being seated in my SUV (yes, yes, I fit that suburban mom stereotype) but, for the record, I am 5'5." Not so little. Alas, as for the 'fat' part, how to justify that one?
Have I put on weight these past few years, what with the infertility and the two babies in 19 months' time? Why yes, I have. But fat? IDK. Chubby, yes...and with a giant chest (38G) that does not get smaller even when I lose weight. I think the chest may even make me look bigger than I actually am, but I digress :)
But to hear a stranger call me such a name...well, it hurt. So I started talking to myself (in my head) about how they're just words and only I can give words the power to hurt me--the same thing my husband and I tell Juliana when she tells us how someone at school said this or that, i.e., Dylan says I'm not a smart cookie. So there I was, 40 years old, and couldn't even take my own advice. Nice.
After I got over the hurt, I got angry. So angry, in fact, that later that same day, I paid a visit to the local gym near my daughter's dance school and promptly signed up for a membership. For several months I'd been considering joining and meant to stop in and check it out but just hadn't made the time to do it. That all changed on Friday. Making the time is my new #1 priority.
Anyhoo, I'm now an official gym-goer. I met with a trainer on Friday and set up a plan for me, providing for 5 days a week of workouts, alternating weekly between 3 days of weight training and cardio and 2 days of organized classes (gyrokinesis, zumba, etc.).
I'm proud to say that I've gone every day since joining and I'm even--dare I say it--enjoying it. My body is sore but in a good way. I haven't belonged to a gym since my college years and I've missed it. It's a little 'me' time that I've needed for a while now.
So, long story short, last Friday I took a definitive step to reclaim my girlish figure :) and I feel great.
To think--I owe it all to one 'skinny big bitch' in a Honda for lighting my fire. Thanks, you inconsiderate twit, whoever you were.
Well, cue to this past Friday morning when I briefly honked my horn at the person in front of me who was holding up me and two other cars behind me at a McD's drive-thru (and let the record show that I stopped in for a medium Diet C0ke as I was parched). The parking lot was being paved and so half of it was roped off--thereby giving cars coming out of the drive-thru lane only that drive-thru space to exit the lot. The woman in front of me had pulled up about 8 feet to go through her bag and, I assume, check her order. So I tapped on my horn lightly as I had no way to go around her, nor did the people behind me. (I mean, hello, if you're going to take a while, maybe pull into one of the empty spaces in front of you while you go over your order; I'm just sayin.')
She moved forward then stopped at a stop sign just up ahead, giving me room on the right for me to pull alongside her and prepare to make a right turn (she was going left)...but not before rolling down her window and calling me a 'fat little bitch.' Oh yes, she did.
Now, okay, I realize I am not (nor have I ever been) a skinny minny. And I also realize that the words "fat" and "little" kinda cancel one another out. Not only that, but she can't tell how tall I am from me being seated in my SUV (yes, yes, I fit that suburban mom stereotype) but, for the record, I am 5'5." Not so little. Alas, as for the 'fat' part, how to justify that one?
Have I put on weight these past few years, what with the infertility and the two babies in 19 months' time? Why yes, I have. But fat? IDK. Chubby, yes...and with a giant chest (38G) that does not get smaller even when I lose weight. I think the chest may even make me look bigger than I actually am, but I digress :)
But to hear a stranger call me such a name...well, it hurt. So I started talking to myself (in my head) about how they're just words and only I can give words the power to hurt me--the same thing my husband and I tell Juliana when she tells us how someone at school said this or that, i.e., Dylan says I'm not a smart cookie. So there I was, 40 years old, and couldn't even take my own advice. Nice.
After I got over the hurt, I got angry. So angry, in fact, that later that same day, I paid a visit to the local gym near my daughter's dance school and promptly signed up for a membership. For several months I'd been considering joining and meant to stop in and check it out but just hadn't made the time to do it. That all changed on Friday. Making the time is my new #1 priority.
Anyhoo, I'm now an official gym-goer. I met with a trainer on Friday and set up a plan for me, providing for 5 days a week of workouts, alternating weekly between 3 days of weight training and cardio and 2 days of organized classes (gyrokinesis, zumba, etc.).
I'm proud to say that I've gone every day since joining and I'm even--dare I say it--enjoying it. My body is sore but in a good way. I haven't belonged to a gym since my college years and I've missed it. It's a little 'me' time that I've needed for a while now.
So, long story short, last Friday I took a definitive step to reclaim my girlish figure :) and I feel great.
To think--I owe it all to one 'skinny big bitch' in a Honda for lighting my fire. Thanks, you inconsiderate twit, whoever you were.
February 11, 2010
A light at the end of this tunnel shines into the next tunnel
The other day when I dropped the girls off at preschool, I noticed that a new sign had gone up in the front entryway. It read, "Pre-K Graduation, May 29th. More Details to Follow Soon."
And so it begins...the march towards elementary school. Juliana is wrapping up her final three months of pre-K and I'm trying to figure out where the time has gone.
When we brought her home from the hospital, she weighed in at a petite 5 lbs., 7 oz. Today, she's 46 pounds of rough and tumble kid, wearing 5Ts, getting her own snacks out of the fridge, and continuously astounding me with new vocabulary words and questions about life, the universe, g-d, space and other various topics. Who is this child and what has she done with my teeny little baby?
A chapter is about to close in our lives as she heads to elementary school in August. I can't believe it is almost here. It has been a pleasure watching her grow up these past few years. I know there's a lot more growing up to do--for both of us. I know that part of raising kids is letting them go but, right now, that seems like it's a long way off. I want to protect her, keep her from feeling pain, getting her heart broken, her feelings hurt...but I know I can't. These are the things we all must go through in life. Things that hurt us but ultimately shape us piece by piece, as do joy, happiness, love and laughter. The good with the bad.
I've heard from other moms with high school-aged kids that, once they start school, time races by. I can see it starting already. But right here, right now, I know that I don't want to start letting her go, not yet. I'm not ready...then again, I may never be ready.
But she is, and kindergarten this Fall is the first step.
G-d, grant us both strength....
And so it begins...the march towards elementary school. Juliana is wrapping up her final three months of pre-K and I'm trying to figure out where the time has gone.
When we brought her home from the hospital, she weighed in at a petite 5 lbs., 7 oz. Today, she's 46 pounds of rough and tumble kid, wearing 5Ts, getting her own snacks out of the fridge, and continuously astounding me with new vocabulary words and questions about life, the universe, g-d, space and other various topics. Who is this child and what has she done with my teeny little baby?
A chapter is about to close in our lives as she heads to elementary school in August. I can't believe it is almost here. It has been a pleasure watching her grow up these past few years. I know there's a lot more growing up to do--for both of us. I know that part of raising kids is letting them go but, right now, that seems like it's a long way off. I want to protect her, keep her from feeling pain, getting her heart broken, her feelings hurt...but I know I can't. These are the things we all must go through in life. Things that hurt us but ultimately shape us piece by piece, as do joy, happiness, love and laughter. The good with the bad.
I've heard from other moms with high school-aged kids that, once they start school, time races by. I can see it starting already. But right here, right now, I know that I don't want to start letting her go, not yet. I'm not ready...then again, I may never be ready.
But she is, and kindergarten this Fall is the first step.
G-d, grant us both strength....
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