November 11, 2009

I was lost but now I'm found

Somewhere along the way these past few years, I've lost me. Gone is the girl who used to enjoy doing physical riding, raquetball, swimming. Left behind in her place is a girl who sits in front of the computer, or the TV, or a book. A girl who is now the heaviest she has ever been in her life, outside of her second pregnancy and she's even toeing that line.

Back in 2003 and 2004, I was healthy, working out daily, eliminating simple carbs (rice, bread, potatoes, etc.) from my diet, watching what I ate and did. In the process, I lost 65 pounds, and kept them off--until I got pregnant with big sister. Then I was told that my former way of eating wasn't best for baby, so goodbye to that. There was a half-hearted attempt to restart it after big sister was born which resulted in my finally losing that last 20 pounds of pesky baby weight.

But then came my pregnancy with little sister, and the gestational diabetes, and the monitoring, and what not so that, by the time I finally had her, I was ready to throw it all aside and indulge. And indulge I did, and kept doing.

So now, I'm heavier than ever, unhappier with my appearance than ever, and finally ready to do something about it. It took my annual physical with my doctor to open my eyes--my fasting blood sugar was high and there was worry that I had become diabetic. One two-hour glucose tolerance test later (just as fun as it was during pregnancy) and it's not diabetes, but I do have impaired fasting glucose, and a borderline c-peptide level, meaning I could theorectically segue into diabetes if I don't take immediate steps to change my lifestyle.

There you have it. I want to be around for many years--to watch my girls grow up, go to college, hopefully have careers, get married, have children (assuming, of course, that they want these things for themselves) and so forth. I don't want to think of the alternative, of what's at stake now.

And so, today I embarked on a quest to reclaim myself. More exercising (hello muscles, remember me?), no more simple carbs (it was nice while it lasted), no sugar (my weakness!), and no caffeine (oh how I'll miss you). I've done it before, I can do it again.

I will do it again.


  1. Oh goodness, not sure I could manage to totally avoid simple carbs AND sugar AND caffeine. Does it really have to be a total ban. And why caffeine, I thought that had a net benefit in terms of heart activity?

  2. 'Cause I'm a masochist, that's why ;) Just kidding. No, last time I tried to take the weight off, it just wasn't happening--even though I was doing everything the way I had done in the past, except for eliminating my diet coke addiction.

    This time, I've eliminated the sodas and have lost 6.5 lbs. in the first week. Hoping it's the start of a longer-term trend. And I hope to one day reintroduce caffeine--I desperately need it!

  3. Oh Dee, I can so relate to this post. We spend so much of our energies making sure everyone else has what they need, there isn't much left for ourselves. I'm self employed, I could go for a walk whenever I want. I have yoga DVDs and I feel great when I do them. So why don't I? I don't know. When you figure it out please let me know.