Let's start with me having the crazies, shall we?
Okay, maybe "crazies" is a little harsh...more like the 'sads.' Let's start with those.
Several years back, I desperately wanted to be a mother, to the exclusion of just about everything else in my life. When I finally became a mom, it was everything I had hoped for and then some. Perhaps it is that 'then some' that put me over the edge. Perhaps it was the birth of my second daughter, the neonatal stroke she suffered, the hospital transfer, the 11-day NICU stint. Wah, wah, wah, I know. Others have had it so much worse--sicker babies, longer NICU stays. Who knows what did it to me. But something put me over the edge, had me barely holding on emotionally and physically. So I brought it up to my OB at my six-week postpartum visit, and she brought out the rx pad and wrote a 'script for a low dose of pr0zac. Why that one? I had been on it back in 2001 during the first-ever bout of clinical depression I'd had, diagnosed by my then-primary care doc and a psychiatrist.
So, in the past two years since stroke baby (I think I need a more clever moniker for her, don't you?) was born, I've tried--on my own accord--to wean off of it on two different occasions, to disastrous effects. The most recent one a month ago. It--I--was worse than ever before. Anger, rage, irritability, lethargy, and so on. And the worst part? They're all still hanging around.
It frightened me so that I found myself in my doctor's office this morning, crying (which I swore I wasn't going to do) at the very fact that someone was listening to me, and taking me and my concerns seriously. Off I went with a 'script for a different AD, pr1st1q, indicated for adults with major depressive disorder. I guess that's me.
Women all over the world can mother children with their hands tied behind their back and without the assistance of medication. Me, not so much.
The doc warned me, it might get worse before it gets better and the med kicks in. I'm already holding on with white knuckles; how much worse can it get?
Wait, don't answer that.